I’m still not sure if I found this minivan, or if it found me.

 

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After seeing the various photos of a press conference Rob Ford gave a few days before the Superbowl I couldn’t help myself from putting a few words in his mouth. 

 

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A hero took rare found footage of Bill Murray from a 1982 laserdisc and posted it on YouTube.

 

 

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At first glance you may think this video is just another pretty face covering pop songs on YouTube.

 

 

Except, this is the person who actually wrote all of these songs, and a bunch of other Top 40 hits. Her name is Bonnie Mckee, and to me she is the epitome of pop music. A formula driven recipe for the music we love to hate, and hate to love.

Bonnie is a classically trained musician who has been in the business since she was a teen. She obviously has the talent (actually knowing how to play an instrument and sing in tune) and is going for the look, so why isn’t she just trying to be a pop-star in her own right.

Oh, wait apparently she is…

After doing some googling I found a few people’s theories and opinions on her career choices and the music industry in general. I’d add my own half-baked theories, but there’s no sense in beating a dead horse. Pop music does a thorough job of that on their own.

I can only imagine what the writing process is like for these type of songs. It’s probably somewhere in-between blissful ignorance, zany celebrity antics, and constantly fighting the urge of putting a gun to your head.

Or maybe it’s just all blurred lines roar we can’t stop applause radioactive holy grail wake me up safe and sound summertime sadness get lucky. Who knows…

 

Links:
Billboard’s Hot 100

I stumbled upon this gem the other day. I had no idea, but apparently Eddie has been doing music long before the glorious collaboration w/ Snoop Lion a few months back.

Rick James is in the video too, so you know its good.

 

“Party All The Time”

Girl
I can’t understand it why you want to hurt me
After all the things I’ve done for you.
I buy you champagne and roses and diamonds on your finger –
Diamonds on your finger –
Still you hang out all night
what am I to do?

My girl wants to party all the time

Party all the time
party all the time.
My girl wants to party all the time
party all the time.

She parties all the time – party all the time

She likes to party all the time – party all the time

party all the time – she likes to party all the time

party all the time.

Girl
I’ve seen you in clubs just hanging out and dancing.
You give your number to every man you see.
You never come home at night because you’re out romancing.
I wish you bring some of your love home to me.

But my girl wants to party all the time
. . .
My girl wants to party all the time
. . .

Party
party
party she likes to party all the time.
She likes to party all the time –
She lets her hair down
she lets her body down:
She lets her body
she lets her body down.
Party all the time – do you wanna get any party
yeah.
Party all the time – party all the time.

Links:

 

Fantasy Football is a pretty crazy phenomenon. It makes you care about the sport on a deeper level, yet it makes you more superficial towards it in other ways. You start rooting for players you could normally care less about and you’ll eventually find yourself rooting against players on your own team depending on who in your league has that person.

Last season was my first and it didn’t take long to become a new obsession. Something else to pass idle time and anxiously check your phone while the games are in progress. There’s so much speculation that it turns an average fan into a sports geek.

 

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I’m always a little intrigued when I see a package redesign. The recipe remains the same, but new life is injected by either simplifying or spicing up the aesthetics.

It’s like fashion for consumer goods. The Yin and the Yang forces something to look new and improved and 2 years later it will be thrown right back to a retro style. These SD cards would have been purchased around the same time, but the one on the right sure seems to be trying a lot harder.

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I can generally try things at least once with an open mind, but I attempt to have a shred of integrity when it comes to things such as alcohol. Tonight however is not one of those nights. I will be drinking this abomination of a libation and yes… I am sober.

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Over the years I have staunchly refused to support these 24oz alcopops, but since I procured this can through a misguided soul who left it in our driveway I can indulge while keeping my dignity intact (theoretically). I have battled its ancestors Sparks and Tilt in my younger days, but this is uncharted territory for me.

In the name of science I have decided to apply the “Power Hour” theorem for this experiment. For those unfamiliar with the term it typically involves drinking 1 shot glass of beer every single minute on the minute for an entire hour. A slow and steady way to drink 7+ beers in an hour.

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In my case I will be taking one shot of this delectable Joose Wild Raspberry Iced Tea  and writing notes on the experience in-between each drink. 

SHOT 1
Holy shit this stuff is gross. I planned on my sweet tooth to get me through this, but I didn’t imagine that it would actually taste like hot garbage dipped in sugar sauce.

SHOT 2
Slightly better, but I already have confirmation that I’ve made a terrible mistake.

SHOT 3
Back to nasty. I wish I had chilled the can a little bit more. Hindsight is a cruel mistress.

SHOT 4
It shouldn’t come as a surprise, but this stuff is basically just a terrible mixed drink. Like a roller coaster of poorly blended tea and liquor, except they don’t blend as much as sloppily dance around each other.

SHOT 5
These minutes are coming way too fast now.

SHOT 6
I can feel a slight buzz kicking in. I welcome the feeling at this point.

SHOT 7
These tastings all seem different. I imagine if you were to ring out a bar rag into a shot glass it would taste on par with this “Premium Malt Beverage With Natural Flavors And Caramel Color.”

SHOT 8
At least by this point I’ve proven my hypothesis. This drink shouldn’t exist.

SHOT 9
A thick buzz is definitely creeping in now. Starting to get sweaty too.

SHOT 10
Had to use my water for a chaser after that one. I wish this stuff actually tasted like raspberries, and not junk funk.

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SHOT 11
That one made me gag slightly. At least the can is getting lighter.

SHOT 12
Starting to get a little obsessive compulsive. Thinking about changing my music and wondering what real beer we have in the fridge right now.

SHOT 13
Chugging this stuff has to be its lifeblood. This repeated gulp approach cannot be part of their market research. That must have been a fun focus group to conduct.

SHOT 14
The buzz is in full effect, but it’s not very enjoyable. It’s kind of like eating terrible food when you’re really hungry. Your mind is complacent, but your body hates you at the same time.

SHOT 15
Hitting the home stretch and thank god. I can’t imagine driving two cans of this stuff into me.

SHOT 16
Confused on my math, because I thought that one should have been the last one. Meanwhile the can mocks me.

SHOT 17
Just realized this stuff isn’t even carbonated. That probably would have helped. A lot.

SHOT 18
This can won’t end.

SHOT 19
Wowza, I really messed the math up or I just can’t pour consistently. Looks like one more to go. It will be a sad sad victory.

SHOT 20 
Done.

Total Time:
22 minutes

Well… I suppose that that was interesting. I feel in-between that awkward buzz you get after having a couple drinks during lunch and when you eat a ton of candy on an empty stomach while dehydrated. The main difference is probably that instead of having a couple good beers with food I methodically drank a can of “JOOSE” and tried to pound out my thoughts in-between the doses of shitty booze. This is probably how wine critics operate.

I’m beginning to sweat more and more even though I have a fan blowing directly on me. A headache is setting in and I’ve already glugged down nearly an entire water bottle to help purge the residue.

Not sure how to end this write-up because I had a suspicion that there wouldn’t be a grand epiphany. No real thought to leave you with. I just thought it would be entertaining and it was for the most part. I will say though that this is certifiably a terrible terrible terrible product and its unfortunate that it stores even carry the stuff. Just be cause you can, doesn’t mean you should.

 

Links:
Joose