Category: music


This tribute video goes out to Drake.

His story of starting from the bottom now we here is truly an inspirational tale and something that we all can learn and grow from. Not just as artists and human beings, but as whole fucking team.



This video was partially inspired by the following standup from Chris D’Elia






Back in middle school my friends and I would write letters during class and pass them amongst our circle of friends throughout the week. The girls would typically write gossip chain letters that the boys weren’t allowed to see. My guy friends and I would draw cartoons, write jokes, and make lists. We were pretty much the orignal Buzzfeed.

Well, apparently my buddy Cris had saved some of the letters and the other day he sent me one.




“Things Wrong with the Music Industry”

1.) If Blink 182 is so punk, then why do they play at the MTV Music Awards? I guess it’s the punk thing to do.

2.) Papa Roach is so hardcore that they’re musical guests at the Billboard Music Awards.

3.) Metallica loves their fans so much that they make their fans buy their CD’s instead of downloading them. And all of their “fans” that download their stuff are being sued by the band so they can make more $

4.) Korn sold out so much that they’re getting a deal with Kelloggs to be on the cereal box instead of the Rooster.

5.) Limp Bizkit. You can blame those guys for everything. Making rap metal trendy, spreading gay, ruining people’s taste in music. But most of all thinking to themselves that they’re not sell outs. Hey Fred, take a look in the mirror. “Gimp Dipzhit!”

6.) Will the real Slim Shady SHUT THE FUCK UP!

7.) When WHAM broke up it seemed like everything went straight to hell.


I definitely had the music industry figured out at the ripe old age of 13. I actually still agree with most of what I wrote, but you can definitely see the adolescence as a contributing factor. Whatever the case, I hope kids are still doing stuff like this before the inevitable laptops and smart phones creep into their lives.





As you may or may not know the great Brad Paisley released a new album a few weeks ago featuring a song called “Accidental Racist” that caused a bit of a stir. After the buzz wouldn’t go away I finally gave it a listen and didn’t think very much about it. There’s terrible music being pumped out all the time and this song was no different, although I was a little surprised at how bad the lyrics were. No big deal, they’ve just lowered the bar like so many before them.

Then I watched a few interviews where Brad and LL Cool J tried to defend the song as some kind of new found logic. That they were trying to “open up a conversation” and had put a lot of thought into the song. As a critic I will accept that this terrible song exists, but I won’t accept some bullshit reasoning and excuses to make up for their lack of effort. In all likelihood this song was accidentally a publicity stunt.

Many people have since gone on tangents about how terrible the song is from any race perspective. I wanted to get my two cents in, so I thought I would dissect the song line by line in an attempt to understand the story they were trying so hard to tell.


“Accidental Racist”
(feat. LL Cool J)


To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main, I hope you understand

I got to call bullshit right from the get go here Brad. Starbucks doesn’t employ waiters. Once they hand over your drink you’re pretty much on your own.

When I put on that t-shirt, the only thing I meant to say is I’m a Skynyrd fan

If that’s the case then you’re a shitty Skynyrd fan. There are plenty of good Lynyrd Skynyrd shirts and apparel out there for you to show your support.

The red flag on my chest somehow is like the elephant in the corner of the south

He must not be too familiar w/ the whole “civil war thing.”

And I just walked him right in the room

You sure did Brad. It’s almost as if you planned it or perhaps just needed the basis to fabricate a song on.

Just a proud rebel son with an ‘ol can of worms

Not exactly sure WTF you are talking about here Brad. I imagine your just trying to sound folksy here, but still. Worms?

Lookin’ like I got a lot to learn but from my point of view

You sure do Brad. Please stop writing lyrics and pick up a book, preferably non-fiction.

I’m just a white man comin’ to you from the southland

Brad, you are from West Virginia. According to geography that is east, but I don’t want to split hairs here. We have a long painful way to go.

Tryin’ to understand what it’s like not to be

That’s big of you Brad, but if this song is your attempt at trying then I don’t think you’re going to comprehend very much.

I’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve done

Would you care to give examples, or would you prefer to keep it vague and ambiguous?

And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history

Vague and ambiguous it is.

Our generation didn’t start this nation

Hold on there Brad. You just said you were proud of where you’re from, but now you’re pointing fingers at them.

We’re still pickin’ up the pieces, walkin’ on eggshells, fightin’ over yesterday

Once again, I must disagree with you here Brad. I wouldn’t say that wearing a confederate flag counts as walking on egg shells.

And caught between southern pride and southern blame

Well… at least you didn’t say white guilt.

They called it Reconstruction, fixed the buildings, dried some tears

Starting to think that Brad was home-schooled.

We’re still siftin’ through the rubble after a hundred-fifty years

I suppose we are. However, this song is a terrible sifting device.

I try to put myself in your shoes and that’s a good place to begin

Wearing the confederate flag as a fashion statement isn’t a good way to put yourself in a black person’s shoes.

But it ain’t like I can walk a mile in someone else’s skin

No you can’t Brad, but this sounds like you’re giving up.

‘Cause I’m a white man livin’ in the southland

This is the song’s bridge back to your chorus? Fuck…

Just like you I’m more than what you see

Preach. PREACH!

I’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve done
And it ain’t like you and me can re-write history
Our generation didn’t start this nation
And we’re still paying for mistakes
That a bunch of folks made long before we came
And caught between southern pride and southern blame

At this point I’m  very confused, a little angry and mildly depressed… Good thing LL Cool J is here to set things straight.

Dear Mr. White Man, I wish you understood

Nice. We’re off to a better start than Brad.

What the world is really like when you’re livin’ in the hood

That didn’t last long.

Just because my pants are saggin’ doesn’t mean I’m up to no good

This is true in theory. He might just need a belt or better fitting pants.

You should try to get to know me, I really wish you would

Nice. Maybe we’re getting somewhere again.

Now my chains are gold but I’m still misunderstood

That’s the nature of jewelry. Fashion will always be debatable.

I wasn’t there when Sherman’s March turned the south into firewood

Nope, you sure weren’t. That was in the 1800’s.

I want you to get paid but be a slave I never could

That’s very nice of you James.

Feel like a new fangled Django, dodgin’ invisible white hoods

Don’t bring a good movie into a terrible song.

So when I see that white cowboy hat, I’m thinkin’ it’s not all good

White does stain easily. Perhaps James is just looking out for the well-being of Brad’s wardrobe.

I guess we’re both guilty of judgin’ the cover not the book

I think you’re allowed to dislike cowboy hats. I rarely wear one myself.

I’d love to buy you a beer, conversate and clear the air

This is the best idea either of you two have had yet.

But I see that red flag and I think you wish I wasn’t here

If Brad is actually pro-slavery then he would want you here. As an “employee.”

I’m just a white man

You’re also a well established celebrity, but thanks for trying to be humble.

(If you don’t judge my do-rag)

Back to the headwear are we?

Comin’ to you from the southland

West Virginia.

(I won’t judge your red flag)

Two different stereotypes, but fair enough I suppose.

Tryin’ to understand what it’s like not to be

If that’s the goal, this song isn’t helping.

I’m proud of where I’m from

Would you care to give a reason this time?

(If you don’t judge my gold chains)

That’s not fair. Brad might be a jeweler, perhaps even a lapidary buff.

But not everything we’ve done

What? Oh yeah, we’re getting back to the chorus.

(I’ll forget the iron chains)

Not sure if you should be speaking for everyone here James. Be cool.

it ain’t like you and me can re-write history

Nope, just this terrible terrible unfortunate song.

(Can’t re-write history baby)

*See aforementioned comment.

Oh, Dixieland

Damnit Brad, can we just wrap this up already?

(The relationship between the Mason-Dixon needs some fixin’)

You’re still not helping James. Don’t bring geography into this now.

I hope you understand what this is all about


(Quite frankly I’m a black Yankee but I’ve been thinkin’ about this lately)

Thinking about playing baseball? Fuck, I give up.

I’m a son of the new south

This could actually pass as the first poetic thing said in this song.

(The past is the past, you feel me)

It sure is. Whatever you say. JUST MAKE IT STOP!

And I just want to make things right

Awesome, but you’ve failed to explain how in any way.

(Let bygones be bygones)

Anything. Fine, if it will shut you two up.

Where all that’s left is southern pride

Great, pride it up. Throw a parade if you want to.

(RIP Robert E. Lee but I’ve gotta thank Abraham Lincoln for freeing me, know what I mean)

James… stop.

It’s real, it’s real

Not in my book.

It’s truth (end of song)

WTF just happened?


I thank you and apologize if you made it through that entire post.

I have a few ideas for alternate titles:

“Dude, it’s not my fault.”

“Hey, don’t blame me for being ignorant and insensitive.”

“Determined Insensitive Prick.”

“Terrible publicity stunt.”








#5 – Up On A Plane – Slightly Stoopid

#4 – Wicker Plane – State Radio

#3 – Leaving on a Jet Plane – Peter, Paul and Mary

#2 – Ca Plane Pour Moi – Plastic Bertrand

#1 – Paper Planes – M.I.A.