FedEx is Not Amused

The elevator in the building I work at was broken again, and people weren’t too thrilled about it. Especially the delivery man who had to haul several packages up the stairs for a few days. I can understand the passive aggressiveness he reflected in his note as our building may be charming, yet far from accommodating in many more ways than one. 

fedex_unamused

The weird thing about this story for me is that a co-worker and myself happen to be the ones on the elevator when it broke. Luckily we didn’t plummet to a horrible death, but rather noticed that the mechanism that opens the doors had popped off the track, so it was stuck in limbo on the first floor. We pried the doors open with brute strength and laughed because we thought for a second we might have been trapped.

Being relatively responsible people, we then tried to be the nice polite guys and explain to all the people trying to rush into the elevator that it was suddenly broke and wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Most people seemed to take the attitude that we were the assholes who broke it. We technically were, but all we really did was push a button.

“Hi there. Yeah, sorry. Looks like the elevator is broke,” we told a lovely elderly woman who had a dolly loaded with an empty cardboard box.

“What do you mean it’s broken? It worked the last time I used it,” she scowled at us before scampering toward the stairs.

No shit lady. It literally just broke. Remember us? We were the same two guys who held the door for you when you exited the elevator about two minutes ago with that box loaded full of paper. In fact, you were the very last rider on this fine elevator and maybe should be thinking about how lucky you are to catch the last one down. We swallowed our pride, hid our laughter, and went searching for the building manager to take over the first floor duties. While we waited for him several more people came by, some giving us the stink eye and grabbing for their phones as if that was going to magically fix the thing. The manager showed up and grabbed for his phone to actually figure out how to fix this thing.

We get to the second floor and find a water delivery guy posted up in front of the elevator doors looking very annoyed. There’s no plumbing in most of the studios, so there’s a lot of 5-gallon jugs being hauled around the building almost everyday. He had likely been waiting there this entire time and since we were still some of the only people who knew what happened we had to tell him what was going on. He looked closer to our age, so we tried a more casual bro approach to breaking the bad news.

“Ahhh man, sorry. The elevators broken. The door won’t close, so it can’t go anywhere. Sucks dude.” 

“No it’s not. I was on it like five minutes ago,” he snapped back.

Now this guy thinks we’re fucking with him too? Who are these people? We were a little startled by his aggressiveness, so we even offered to help him haul the large water jugs to his truck, but he just strutted off to find the building manager himself to tell him what he already knew.

To make things even that much weirder, some elevator maintenance guys were actually on-site, but they were there fixing the massive freight elevator that has been broken since the new year. People start looking at these guys like “Hey! do your job! We’re trying to get places over here!” when it was a total coincidence that they were even there in the first place. These guys weren’t unapproachable, but they looked like they could have been heavyweight WWF tag team champions in the 1990’s, and suddenly there’s uptight Portlanders barking orders at them for something they actually had nothing to do with. Guilty by association I suppose.

Not sure if there’s a moral to this story, I just really liked seeing FedEx’s passive aggressive note that night after we were the one’s who saw this 5 minute chain reaction begin. In case of emergency, always take the stairs.

 

 

 

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